Day 20-Cautious In Friendship

"A righteous man is cautious in friendship..." (Proverbs 12:16)(NAS).

I have read the bible from cover to cover too many times that I have lost count. But in all of my reading over the years that I have been a student of the bible I never had this scripture speak to me in the way that it did this morning.

I love people. I have no problems with meeting people and befriending them. At times I have shared how blessed I am with friends all over the world and how that circle continues to grow. However, along with the blessing of friends, I have had to deal with the hurt and the wounds of betrayal and "false friends".

Most people have a very close circle of friendships and they never venture out of the handful of friends for life. I can remember my mother telling me that "true friends are rare". He philosophy was if you have more than five you are blessed.
I have been been blessed to have friends from every chapter of my life. My childhood friends and I are often in contact and we counsel with one another regularly. I have buddies that I still talk to that I served in the US Army with. I am blessed that my college friends and I talk at least monthly counseling and consoling one another in this phase of life. Then there are friends that I have met in my travels all over the world, these are people that I can really depend on in times of trial. I share all of this to say I have been blessed. You do not have to just have a small core of friends for the rest of your life as my mother suggested from her experience.

However, I have had to go through many heart breaking experiences over the years in dealing with "false friends". This is what I believe the text speaks to, the necessity of being cautious before disclosing too much. Somethings are given in life, but somethings have to be earned as well. I believe the level of friendship has to be earned. I use to be so free with "claiming" someone as a friend. I would open my life to them. Whatever I had I would offer it freely. Many times that would play out in my ministry, where I would embrace them and give them a platform to share their ministries. Every resource that I had would be their disposal. But I found out time after time,these individuals would take advantage of me, the church and betray the trust I had freely given.

The text would suggest, the problem is not with the individual who is the friend, but the one who befriends the individual. The problem is not with the several individuals who were "false friends", but the problem was with my embracing them so freely and without caution. No once can hurt you like a friend. Because it is a friend that you have opened your life and exposed yourself to,who knows your vulnerabilities. So the counsel is to be cautious who your friends are.

In closing, a friend always has your best interest at heart. A friend wants you to grow and expand and to be the best you can be. A friend wants you to excel in everything and is encouraging(your cheerleader). A friend is honest and authentic with you in all of your dealings. The following traits I offer in friendship:

Authenticity
Commitment
Integrity
Accountability
Loyalty
Honesty
Open
Faithful
Godly
Fun
Dependable
Challenging

This is not an exhaustive list, but it is a good guide.

Living with Faith and Power and Creating a Phenomenal Life!

Bishop Keith Russell Lee
Hoffman Estates, IL and Los Angeles, CA

Focus: Let me be the friend that I desire in my life!

Spiritual Prayer Treatment

Father, may I have the eyes to discern
the intentions of those that are around me.
Let me embrace the qualities of being a good friend,
that I may attract those in my life that reflect me.
May you be at the center of all of my friendships.
In the Name of Jesus and Through His Power!
Amen! And So it Is!

Prayer Support: Please pray for the family of the late Dr. Murray DePillars. Dr. DePillars was the former Dean of the Virginia Commonwealth University's Art Department when I was a student. Dean DePillars was a Chicago native and a true Renaissance man. He was the mentor of my best friend Jeff Taylor and we would spend countless hours in his office as he would speak into our lives and encourage us on our academic journey. He was the first African-American male PhD that I ever met and engaged who became a model of academic excellence and intelligence for my life.