What Happens When There Is Conflict?"

"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over" (Gospel of Matthew 18:15).

Interpersonal conflicts are the hardest to resolve because for the most part we never deal with the real issue. In my experience most of the time we never deal with the real issue, that is in a marriage, family relationship, business relationship or church membership. We simply intepret matters and continue to hold the perspective and view that does nothing to resolve the conflict or issue.

I have discovered that for the most part, things are not as they appear. What someone does or says is often "interpretted" by the individual who is offended to mean something. The person that is offend takes his offense and allows it to be a schism between the individuals. Some would say, isn't that a communication problem? No, at the heart of it is an intepretation problem. We are interpreting what happened or what was said in the context of our offense.

If I hold that you wanted to hurt me and that is why you said what you said, or if I am dealing with unresolved issues of my childhood, all of those things help me to interpret the matter.

If you want to resolve the conflict you have to know that the act in and of itself means nothing. The word that was spoken mean absolutely nothing. Well, that is easy enough to say, but it takes spiritual maturity and discipline to do it. What if the words that were spoken to you, that hurt you wasn't meant to hurt you? What if the person sharing was dealing with his/her own stuff and you happen to be a convenient outlet? Perhaps the act that hurt and offended you was not about you but about some unresolved issue that they have?

That is why resolving the conflict between the two of you is important. Conflict resolution does not need everyone to be involved. So often people will go and share their grievances with friends and family members without taking it to the person. Many times in marriage a husband or wife will share with their parents or friends their issues with their spouse. Their family and friends will take their side and hold it against the other individual. But when the issues are resolved, the parents and friends are still holding the issue. All your sharing did was cause a schism between the parents, family and your spouse.

Jesus is concerned that we do not create disunity with our issues. He always wants resolution and completeness. It is important to bring the grievance to the person that you are offended by and after we have first assessed ourselves facilitate resolution.

Living with Faith and Power and Creating a Phenomenal Life

Bishop Keith Russell Lee
Hoffman Estates, IL and Los Angeles, CA

Spiritual Prayer Treatment

Father, let me resolve the conflict within that I
may resolve conflict with others.
In the Name of Jesus and Through His Power!
Amen! And So It Is!